Blair

Yesterday, we said goodbye to Blair, our dog of over 10 years. We had her since the day she was born and she was by far the best dog we've ever had. It was a quick happening, but nonetheless one of the hardest things I have ever had to do.

I guess it is part of growing up. And it sucks. You don't understand how those furry creatures work their way into your life, until they aren't there anymore. They provide unconditional love and affection no-holds-bar. Nothing we do or say will turn away their smiling faces and wagging tails.

When driving home from the vet, the car eerily silent, other than a few sniffles, I found myself longing for the world to stop. Not to say that I want everyone to feel our pain, but I want them to acknowledge it. I want them to stop what they are doing, pause, and tell me they are sorry. I want the world to stop, but I need it to keep going on. It is a double-edged sword. I need the world to keep turning like it does. Please stop, but please keep going.

I also find myself asking, "when love can end like this, why love at all?" I never even question love until it is compromised. There is no question as to the nature of love or the quality of love until that compromise (death, letting go, pain, betrayal) walks in. To feel sadness is to have felt love. I'll risk the sadness to say I had loved every time.

It really has been quite a grace-filled week. My mom, who typically doesn't have a lot planned, has lots of things to keep her busy. My sister, Sarah and brother, Matt, had the time to trek up I85 for the weekend. We have things to fill our time and time to be silent. That's grace at it's finest. Though she had been sick for awhile, the decision needed to be made quickly. And though that does not make the pain less, it lessens the blow in some way.

I don't do a good job of asking for help. I'm pretty stubborn like that. I don't do a good job of seeking out people to help me. I never want to be a burden. I never want to take more than I give, which is why you will always see me giving. But I'm thankful to say that I had people pursue me to find out how I was doing. I had people put their lives, their families, on hold, to comfort me. For that, I am thankful, and forever indebted. They ask nothing in return, however, I will give them anything they need. And pray I can do the same for them if they ever need it.

Good-bye is never easy. There is never a good time. There isn't a convenient time for good-bye, but in time, pain lessens. Life moves on. And for a moment, it is ok for it to stop.

"Blair" Fishel
August 2001-November 2011
Thank you for barking occasionally, wagging incessantly, and loving unconditionally.

The Journey

Recently, I had the "God is all good" conversation 3 times in one week with 3 different people. It forced me to ask myself, "Is God all good?" When people die in car accidents, when children are hurt unexpectedly, when life gets bumpy and finances are shaky, is He all good?

Yes.

My experience with the goodness of God is just that - an experience - experiences. Day to day wonderings about His character become actual realities when I live them. God is all good, however, this world is not all good. People are not all good. Circumstances are not all good. But He is all good. I found myself trying to convince these friends that God is all good. Regardless of the situation, He is all good. Because there is no black and white answer. As people, we long for black and white answers. We long for concrete, things we can explain.

And God is the complete opposite. He is abstract. And He is unexplainable. He is in all instances of the phrase - grey. The perfect blend of truth and grace. The perfect blend of abiding by societal norms and shattering them.

It has forced me to stop. It has forced me to think: Do I believe God is all good? What do I do with all these questions that don't have answers? How do I answer their questions?

The more I thought about it, the more I talked it out, I kept getting to the same answer: the journey. The answer to all of these questions is the journey. It is the striving (in a good way) to be different tomorrow than we are today. It is the pursuit to "be holy as He is holy: (1 Peter 1:15). The questions that in someway embody "if God is all good, why do bad things happen?" is answered: the journey.

The goal is to be different tomorrow than I am today. The goal is to be healthier, stronger, more faith filled, happier, more secure, more like Jesus tomorrow than I am today. On the journey is where all the questions of life are answered. Some of them have answers we may not like. Some of them have no answer this side of Heaven. And some of them have answers that we cannot understand in our present state.

As we journey toward Christ, we will find more out about His character. He will let us in on difference facets that not only show us how beautiful He is, but show us more and more about who we are.

No one said it would be easy. No one said we wouldn't have trials. It is in fact the complete opposite. But there is something exhilarating in the journey. There is something all together scary and exciting about not knowing what's next.

The journey is where it's at.

a God that's FOR me

I need to do a better job of writing here. I do think about it often, it just doesn't get from my mind to my fingertips.

Here is the scripture I've been thinking about tonight...

"If God is for us, who can be against us?" Romans 8:31

Max Lucado makes an interesting point in his book, Grace for the Moment, "The question is not simply, "Who can be against us?" You could answer that one. Disease, inflation, corruption, exhaustion... We're Paul's question, "Who can be against us?" we could list our foes much easier than we could fight them. But that is not the question, The question is, If GOD IS FOR US, who can be against us?"

The first statement puts the question in context.

I started thinking about the people I am not for. I'm not really for the man behind me in the grocery store line. I'm not really for the mom at school whose name I do not know. I'm not really for the person at church who I just say hi to in the hallway (shocking, I know). Nor am I really for the people I see on t.v. whose lives are crumbling under them. I have no connection to them. I'm not really for these people. I don't know them, they don't know me. There's no reason I would be for them. It would be silly for me to go to great lengths for people I don't know.

In contrast, I've been thinking about the people who I am for. There are a handful of people who I would drop everything for. I would stay up late praying for. I would go to the hospital and wait in the waiting room for. I would step in front of a bus for. I would give my life for. I would sacrifice my needs and desires for their needs and desires. There is one stark contrast between the people I am not for and the people I am for. The major factor is that I know one set intimately and the other set I do not know.

I have every reason to be for my friends. I know them. I love them. I want the best for them. I have shared in their joys and sorrows. I have fought in the battles of everyday life with them. And because of that, I am for them. I am fighting for them. I am loving on them. I am walking daily life with them.

Isn't it the same way with God? He is for those he knows. Those of us who are in relationship with him, are in his camp, he is for us. He wants the best for us. He wants to bless us. He wants to be near to us. My earthly self can drive fast, pray hard, and max out my credit cards for you, but the all- powerful, all- knowing, all- seeing God of the universe is for you. So, what can be against you?

Absolutely nothing.

time gone by...

How has it been almost 4 months since I have sat down here... oh wow. Student teaching absolutely consumed my life. But in all honesty, I was exactly where God wanted me to be. And I am absolutely blessed.

I am done student teaching! Yeah. It's sort of bitter sweet. At the end, I just wanted to be done. But now I want to go back. As frustrated as those 13 boys and girls would make me, I am somehow drawn back to them. I know that I can never go back, so I am thankful for the time I had with them.

I had a very specific word over student teaching. And it was to pursue a family that I have become friends with. I have fallen for them, but more for the fact that they are real people. How many of us are real? How many of us wear our hearts on our sleeves? How many of us love the best we know how and give everything we have to the people around us? I am blessed to know people who do.

The scripture I got for this season is this: "May the Lord make your love increase and overflow for each other and for everyone else, just as ours does for you." - 1 Thessalonians 3:12

My prayer is that whenever I'm with people, they would know that they are loved. I pray they would think, either consciously, or subconsciously, that they were loved. And they were loved well. I feel like I'm in a season where I have the opportunity to love well. I have the grace to extend love to the most unlikely of people. And so that is my goal. To love well.

I want my love to increase and overflow.

Strength

I've been thinking a lot lately about strength. There are a lot of people around us who need strength. I need strength. I have a few friends going through really tough stuff. One is dealing with cancer, one is dealing with a nasty divorce, one is dealing with parental issues, and many more have things in front of them that are just plain tough.

So I pray for them to have strength. I pray for me to have strength to help them carry their burdens. And then I pray for strength again.

I was driving the other day (shocker). When I turned the steering wheel, I remembered that I had worked out the previous morning. I was so sore. My rotator cuffs hurt, my triceps hurt, my biceps hurt and my shoulders hurt. Tuesday is arm day. Thursday is leg day. I can barely walk after leg day. Pitiful. But at this particular moment, while I was thinking praying for strength for my friends, I felt the twinge of sore muscles.

Then I thought: shouldn't we have to put forth some effort to get strength? Don't hear me say that the things people go through are from God, because I don't believe God does anything bad. I believe He is all good. Hear me say, that, just like in the natural, in the spiritual, we have to build our way up to new strengths.

I would be a fool to think I could go into the gym, lift 100 lbs and walk away. I'd probably drop it, and trip and fall, or something equally as embarrassing.

We have to build our ways up to more weight. We have to work at it. We have to toil. We have to sweat. We have to give up good sleep to get up early and work out. We have to put forth effort. Did you know that your muscles actually get small tears in them when you work out? Yeah, they do. And then from there, they grow from flab to muscle.

It's like praying for patience. I don't do it because when I do, inevitably, I will get stuck in traffic.

We should pray for strength when we need it, and even when we don't need it. It is a good thing to do, yet we need to remember that God won't just give us large muscles we didn't work for. Sometimes we have situations in front of us that require immeasurable strength. We should pray for strength, but we should also expect to have to put in a little effort to get the strength we want.

It's a two way street. If I want strength, I have to pick up some weights.

Devil, you lose.

Here's how I saw God today: the lady I prayed with last Friday HAS NO MORE CANCER.

Take that, devil. You lose.

At Every Turn

I saw God all day long today. From Elementary Ministries to the 156 people at the Ascent to worship at MorningStar to Small Groups to praying with a girl in my small group to hanging with people to watch the Super Bowl.

There's nothing better than seeing God at every turn.