Exile.

I can't believe it's 2009, or that I have to go back to work tomorrow. I'm not sure I'm ready for either... But that's kind of how it works. We get thrown into a lot of stuff we aren't ready for, then somehow make it through only to be stronger on the other side.

Maybe that's where I am right now. This stage of life, this "exile", as Pastor Alan calls it. This stage after one has ended and before the one you want starts. Maybe this stage of life - this after college, trying to find out what to do with my life, everyone else's lives are passing me by, not being content with where I am - stage of life is all one big, divine set up.

Jeremiah plead with the Israelites to grow, get married, plant crops, establish lives in their exile (Jeremiah 29). They got kicked out of their homeland. He plead with them to be content with where they were trusting that their faith in God would pull them through.

Maybe that's why I'm so not content with what's going on around me. I feel like everyone else's lives are moving forward at a pace I can't keep up with (and oh, I try). Maybe that's why I feel like I'm becoming cynical or bitter when people around me are experiencing the happiest times of their lives. It feels like everyone else is not in their exile and I am... What if the divine set up is preparation? Am I prepared to go through a season of exile to be prepared for what God has for me? My flesh says "no", but my spirit cries, "yes".

Habakkuk also prophesied in the time of the exile, and he was firey at God about the exile. He complained, he whined, he was confused. I'm probably most like Habakkuk at this time in my life. I don't understand. I feel like my most common answer to anything regarding the future is "I don't know". And I'm downright not ok with where I am. I would say that's pretty real.

Here's the revelation I got: Jeremiah and Habakkuk were preaching to the same group of people, but their messages hit home with different personality types. There are days where I need to hear that I need to be content, and I need to continue on the path I'm on until God moves me. But there are days (probably more), where I need to see that it's ok to go to God with questions. Because I am human. I don't understand. Habakkuk finally got to the point where he submitted to God's will. And the pay off for submitting and the Israelites being exiled prepared the way for Jesus Christ.

I have only two choices at this point in my journey: I can either trust myself or I can trust God. I have failed myself countless times, not one time has God failed me (regardless of how much I don't understand what he's doing).

Habakkuk 3:17-18: Though the fig tree does not bud and there are no grapes on the vines, though the olive crop fails and the fields produce no food, though there are no sheep in the pen and no cattle in the stalls, yet I will rejoice in the LORD, I will be joyful in God my Savior.