Grieving in Relationship

I was at a friend's house the other day and she mentioned reading in a book about grieving. We kept talking and she mentioned this term "grieving in relationship".

I began to think about what that means. What is grieving in relationship? Why do we grieve in relationship when relationship is the thing that most often causes the grief? We cry when people pass away because of our relationship to that person. We break when a person makes a poor decision because our relationship with that person means something to us.

She challenged me by saying, "If relationships grieve us, we are more than likely going to be healed through relationship, as well. We have to grieve for and with those around us to find deep, lasting healing."

So why would I, someone who grieves deeply about relationships, the loss of relationships, my role in relationships, want to turn to the thing that has hurt me to find healing? Why would we humans, repeaters of history, turn to relationships as our source of healing?

Because we are made for relationship. I'll repeat that. We are MADE for relationship. There's a reason it takes a relationship to create life. There's a reason it takes relationship to make it through life. And God's best is that a relationship (mother AND father) raise a child. God’s best is healthy, thriving relationships where people challenge each other and bring each other closer to Him.

What if grieving in relationship is the ultimate form of redemption? To go back to the thing that has hurt us most and find healing. I'm not suggesting that we go back to an unhealthy relationship and set ourselves up to get hurt again, but I am suggesting that we cannot do it alone. We cannot make it through this life alone. We WILL NOT make it through life alone. There are too many hurts. There are too many struggles.

What I heard my friend say was, "I’ll get in the trenches with you." Grieving in relationship is about finding people who will get in the trenches with you and fight the battles of life with you, and when grief comes along, they will stay there. I can tell you the truth; there are only a handful of people I want around me on the day of battle. Think about it. When someone is hurling grenades at your head, who do you want beside you?

I’m a firm believer that God will redeem anything and everything. I am a firm believer that he will make right the wrongs. I think he wants us to learn to grieve in relationship because once we can grieve in relationship, we can find true, lasting joy in relationship.

The greatest example of the redemption of relationship came over 2,000 years ago on the Cross. When Jesus Christ died, the veil tore, and He rose from the grave, He restored relationship. He redeemed relationship. He brought it back from the grave and offers it to us. The semblance of the veil tearing is the restoration of relationship. Only the priests could go behind the veil where the Spirit of God lived. Once Jesus shouted “It is finished”, breathed his last, and the earth shook, relationship was restored.

Grieve what you have to grieve. Find people who will hold your hand, and fight life’s battles with you. Know, too, that the greatest example of relationship is pursuing you, longs to be with you, and is there for you no matter where you go.

Deuteronomy 31:6 – “Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the LORD your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you."