Oh, what a season!

So much has gone on in the past 6 weeks. I can hardly believe it.

I had 4 friends get married in the months of May and June. I took 2 summer school classes in a month, started a new job, am still working an old one, took a missions trip, and my sister had a baby :)


Wow.

Walking through a season like this has definitely tested my faith. It's hard to sit back and watch all this stuff go on for other people. I've watched myself struggle with jealousy, lonliness, fear, but also walk into incredible joy, compassion, and growth. I can't sit here and say I did everything right. I did not react in the most Godly way to all of the situations set before me, and I did shed a few tears at the constant rate of change going on in my life. But God met me. And that's all that really matters. I learned a new facet of His character - the faithful one.

I've also learned: the only constant is change.

I've spent countless hours on the phone with my council, studying God's Word over coffee, driving so I could clear my mind, just wondering where I fit in to all of this. Most of the questions I have do not have answers (yet), but I've gotten to the place where I have the ability to ask questions.

I heard a pastor once talk about how we should never question God. I'm not sure I totally agree with that. My mentor for the past 10 years has always said, "Just because you got mad, God did not fall off His throne. He can handle it." I agree with that. I ask God "why?" alot. I consider myself a lifelong learner, and I want to know why stuff is happening. I want to know what God is up to. I want to know where I'm going. I'm type A, OCD, and I even color code my calendar. So, I want to know. I mean, He wired me, right?

On my long drive to Atlanta to see my niece (!) for the first time, I was thinking about this. Here's my revelation: My desire is not to try to figure out God - that's not possible, I want God to deepen my trust in Him. I want, somehow, to understand and trust God's sovereignty.

Psalm 84:11-12
For the LORD God is a sun and shield;
the LORD bestows favor and honor;
no good thing does he withhold
from those whose walk is blameless.
O LORD Almighty,
blessed is the man who trusts in you.

I can trust anyone who is lighting my path and shielding me from danger. He's proven Himself time and time again. For He withholds no good thing from those whose walk is blameless.

My heart's cry has become outsmart me, God.

Teach me I'm blessed.

It's definitely an ongoing process, but I know He's working. I know He's growing me. I know He's using me. And I'm getting to experience some pretty cool events.

And at this point, there's really nothing cooler than being an aunt :)